I have to be careful not to fall into my old ways of thinking. Its just too easy for me to lapse and find solace in the depression I've fought for years now. I have to remember: I can control it.

It could be this current atmosphere at work. The long nights, the forced courtesies, listening to lonely truck drivers tell their stories, all of it wears on me. I've done this work for years. I could do it in my sleep. Now I find myself doing precisely that.

Its about stress, I have learned. If you go through it everyday thinking you can't control these pressures, that you must suffer it gladly- then it will likely get the best of you. Maybe though, you're one of the lucky ones, the legion of lucky bastards who never think about it and are never bothered by it.

The real trick, the key to defeating depression is realizing its catastrophic, maladaptive strategy for handling stress. The more you tell yourself, and the more you believe this: "I can control it.", the more likely you are to shrug this monkey off your back.

I also find myself eating more junk food. Chocolate bars, corn chips and soft drinks seem to be my staple foods during these strange nights at the truck stop. It should bother me, but I find myself unable to screw up any concern for myself. Junk food is a comfort. It keeps my spirits high on this graveyard excursion. Oh, how glad I'll be when these shifts are over.